


I don’t like this

by Jxzza



Category: I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS
Genre: F/F, Gay, LGBTQ, letsgolesbians, lgbtq+, stanleybarber, stanleybarberisbestboi, sydneynovakxreader, sydneyxreader, sydxreader, westanstan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:21:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22954750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jxzza/pseuds/Jxzza
Summary: When (y/n) is forced to move to a new town she hates it, wants nothing to do with all that bullshit. However when a certain mystery girl catches (y/n)s eye, she can’t stop thinking about her.
Relationships: Sydney Novak and reader, Sydney Novak/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

-

Moving sucked.

You had to leave everything you knew behind and suck it up as you're pushed into unknown territory.  
You have to make new friends, possibly start new hobbies, new house layout, don’t know where any stores are or any good places to hangout are.

Basically what I’m trying to say is moving is like having everything you’ve ever known thrown out a window and run over with a bulldozer.

And low and behold, I’m moving as I’m telling you this.

You see after a certain... incident in my family my mum found it best if we all moved away to get our mind off of what happened and start fresh.

The thing is I think she reckons all of us are just somehow going to forget what happened, that everything will go back to being the way it was and I think dad wants to believe that too. But it’s not going to happen. Nothing will ever go back to being that way. Moving house is just going to make that less likely.

I’ve finished putting all of my belongings around my room so to take a break I rush up and belly flop into my bed, face first into the pillow.

I take a deep breath in and groan loudly instead of exhaling.

Tomorrow’s the first day of a new school, I don’t remember the name and frankly I don’t really care about it.

Another shitty school in another shitty town.

Just what I needed.

-

I walk out of the kitchen after eating some breakfast, most important meal of the day am I right.

I’m joking, I don’t care about that shit.

I wave to my mum halfheartedly, she’s sitting on the couch watching TV, but she’s distant, her eyes aren’t really focused on what’s going on in the show.

I sigh sadly and head out the shutting behind me with a loud *bang*.

Time for school, what a fucking joke, that place is basically just a child prison that we’ve been sentenced 12 years of. 

-

Im walking at a decently fast pace when I hear a yell from behind me.

I wince at the sudden noise and cringe as I turn around.

I see a guy with short curly brown hair jogging up to me. This guy looks like a total freak show, either that or a very enthusiastic bisexual. I’m not being rude. I’m gay. It’d be cool if he was in the community as well, at least that’d mean the town isn’t completely homophobic.

“Um... hi?”

He catches up to me and gives me a bright smile.

“I haven’t seen you around before!” He states.

“Yeah... I just moved here” I say shrugging.

“That’s cool, yeah... uhh, so what made you want to move here.” 

I laugh, it’s obviously fake.

“For the new fresh air, I guess” I smirk at him.

“Nice joke, what’s your name”

“(Y/n)”, I bluntly state.

“Nice to meet you (y/n), the names Stanley Barber” he extends a hand for me to shake, I look down at it and back up him. I keep walking, ignoring his hand.

“Ok, not one for handshakes, that’s good know.” He replies awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

We walk in silence until we get to the school. 

“This is my stop.” 

“No way mine too!” He beams.

“Whoopty-fuckin-doo” I roll my eyes trying to speed walk away from the kid but he matches my pace.

I decide to slow down, no point in tiring myself out for nothing.

“What class do you have?” 

“No idea, I need to go get my schedule from the office.” I shrug.

“Neat, I’ll go with!” He puts his arm around my shoulder, I glare it him, he doesn’t move.

I give up.

This kid is very persistent with being my friend.

I open the office door and it hits the opposing wall with a loud thud. Whoops didn’t mean to swing it that hard.

The office lady stares at me in utter disbelief.

“(Y/N) (L/N), can I have my schedule?”

She’s still just staring at me.

“Uh... please?” 

Nothing.

Stanley clicks his finger in front of her face.

She blinks a few times before coming to her senses.

“Oh yes dear, I’m very sorry about that.” 

“No problem.”

She hands me my schedule and before I can check it properly, Stanley’s already reading it over my shoulder.

He’s smiling widely.

“We’re in the same home group!”

Oh no. I have to spend the whole year in a class with this guy.

I groan, we have science first period.

I go to put all my stuff away when I realise I forgot to ask which locker I had. 

I swiftly turn on my heel bursting into the office again.

“What locker do I have.”

The office lady looks bewildered.

“Locker 174 Miss. (l/n)”

“Thanks.”

I’m silently praying that’s nowhere near Stanley’s locker.

Stanley says “see ya later” when we have to part ways to get to out lockers. I do a small fist bump to myself, it’s the small victories, you know?

I put all my books and other belonging into my locker and grab what I need for my first two classes. It was Science aaaaand... English.

I silently walk to my class not trying to draw attention to myself, I arrive and sit somewhere along the back row.

Once everyone has arrived (or what I’m assuming to be everyone), the teacher walks in.

I make direct eye contact with the teacher. She better not.

“Class we have a new student joining us today, (y/n) (l/n) would you like to introduce yourself to the class?”

I roll my eyes for about the 8th time today, “Miss, I’m pretty sure you just introduced me to class for me so I see no need to do it myself.” I smirk slightly, she gives me a harsh look.

The class gives a small chuckle at my statement.

“Ok, I see, anyway today in class we’re looking at...” I zone out for a bit, looking around the class.

No one of interest so fa-

I spoke too soon.

A gorgeous red head in casual clothing sat on the left side of the middle row.

Holy crap I’m so gay.

I’m literally a raging homosexual this girl is stunning.

If only I weren’t so awkward.

It’s like she senses me staring cause she turns around and we make direct eye contact. Shit.

I swiftly avert my gaze to just past her and pretend I’m looking out the window. Real smooth.

\- 

It’s lunch time now, I sit on a table by myself.

Buuut not for long, Stanley comes up to me, sitting way too close for my liking.

“Soooo, hows life?” 

“Fucked” 

He dully nods, “right, ok” 

I zone out thinking about that girl.

Maybe Stanley knows her.

“Hey Stan?” 

“Yeah?”

“Do you know who that girl with the red hair in out class is?”

He gives me a confused look, “well I’ve never talked to her (yet), but her names Sydney, why did you want to know?”

I blush lightly, Sydney, that’s a great name, it really suits her.

I jolt out of my trance, “no reason, she just seems like a cool chick.” 

I daze off thinking about her, god I really need to have a proper conversation with this girl.

I have it set that tomorrow, at lunch, I’m going to talk to her.

I’ll probably pussy out knowing me though.

-

The school day ends and Stanley insists on driving me home.

“Isn’t your house before mine?” 

“Yes but I’d still like to drive you home, my treat!”

“Fine.” It’s a free ride...

“Wait didn’t you walk here with me?”

He stops in his tracks and I hear him curse under his breath.

“Umm, I guess I’ll walk you home then!” He chuckles slightly and ends it off with a big sigh.

“Right, lets start walking then.” 

He looks mildly shocked that I accepted, but walks next to me non the less.

-

We arrive at my place, we exchange goodbyes and part ways, he turns back towards me and gives me a very over done wave, I give a small wave back and walk into my house, plopping my bag next to the door and rushing to room so I can flop onto my bed.

I turn onto back with only one thing.. or well person on my mind.

Sydney.


	2. Chapter 2

A new day, a new way to fuck shit up, in a good and bad way.

I rush outside already running late for school and see that Stanley is already waiting outside his house for me, guess this is a regular thing now.

He waves me over with an ecstatic look on his face.

“You know you didn’t have to wait for me, you’re going to be late as well now.” I look over to him as we begin to walk.

“It’s really no problem, I enjoy your company.”  
He smiles over at me.

“Thanks...?” I give him a confused look as we keep walking, almost there.

-

Me and Stanley arrive at school and go our separate ways to put our bags in our lockers.

I’m not paying attention to where I’m going and right run directly into someone, god this is cliche.

I stand up groaning, I know it’s my fault this happened but that doesn’t stop the low grunt that escapes my lips as I grumble, “watch where your going!” 

The person looks up at me in shock and distaste, wait, I know this person.

Well not personally but... ok, OH GOD ITS SYDNEY.

I blush immediately and try to apologise, but before I can she starts speaking.

“Watch where I’m going?! You’re the one who ran into me asshole!” She glares up at me, if looks could kill, am I right?

“I- I’m so sor-“ I try to blurt our last minute.

She pushes past me huffing out a “save it” while she walks off.

Oh god I’ve forever ruined my chances with her.

-

Lunch rolls around quickly, I need to apologise to Sydney.

I frantically look around the cafeteria trying to catch even just a glimpse of her.

“Looking for me?”

Arms wrap around my waist and I turn my head around swiftly, only to make eye contact with Stanley. 

He chuckles, hands still on my waist. I move away from them.

I ignore him and keep looking for Sydney.

I finally spot her.

She’s sitting at a table chatting happily to another girl, god her smile is gorgeous.

I shouldn’t interrupt her. I’ll just tell her another time. She looks really happy over there...

A hand waves in front of my face as I hear Stanley calling my name.

“Hellooooo?, earth to (y/n), you there bud?” 

I blink a few times before I make eye contact with Stanley and he grins at me.

“Sorry I zoned out for a second there, what were you saying, Stan?”

His smile faults for a moment and returns almost immediately.

“Figured, I was asking if you’d like to actually sit down and eat?” He chuckle lightly at the end of sentence.

“Uh yeah sure let’s go”

-

End of the day, finally.

I wait for Stan, but he never comes.

Guess he had better things to do.

I head home, it’s really quite without Stans witty humour...

I never thought I’d say this but I actually kind of miss him.

I won’t ever tell him that though.

I arrive home, still keeping an eye out for Stanley. Nothing.

I throw my bag onto the couch and go to make myself a quality snack.  
By that I mean I’m going to be grabbing a bag of chips from the cupboard to munch on whilst I binge watch a random shown on tv.

-

Stanley doesn’t show up to walk me to school either, did he get kidnapped?

No the kidnapper would get a annoyed within 15 minutes and kick him out...

I guess he really is just busy.

Guess I’m walking without Stanley again.

-

I arrive at school going to my locker like normal, grabbing my stuff and still keeping an eye out for Stanley.

Still nothing, maybe he took a day off.

-

It’s lunch already and I decide to sit on a table by myself, it’s off in the far right corner of the cafeteria.

I hear voices approach the table and don’t look up.

“Hey (y/n)! Look who I met!” I look up to see Stanley, his arm around someone.

That someone is Sydney, my face immediately flares red.

She looks uncomfortable, I should say something to make this less awkward.

“Hey, I’m sorry for bumping into you yesterday, the names (y/n), (y/n) (l/n).”  
I extend my hand to her and she looks at then looks at me and with a roll of her eyes she shakes my hand.

“Sydney, Sydney Novak”, she begrudgingly sits down, she does not want to be here with us.

I guess Stanley managed to trap another poor soul with his charismatic personality and charm.

There’s an awkward silence before Stanley starts to blabber on about some band.

I’m not really listening.

I’m staring at Sydney hoping she doesn’t notice.

I don’t realise I’ve made eye contact with her until it’s too late.

We both look away quickly and I mutter out a small “I’m sorry”, my cheeks are now even redder if that’s even possible.

Stanley looks between us confused. I give him a look to say, ‘don’t worry about it’, he shrugs and continues talking.

-

End of the day again.

This time I’m walking home with Stanley and Sydney.

It’s awkward as hell but Stanley manages to keep up a conversation. 

Stanley doesn’t walk me all the way to my place and stops at his insisting that me and Sydney go ahead, her house isn’t far, almost directly next to Stanley’s.

She walks into her house I give her finger guns as she waves me goodbye. God I’m so awkward.

I walk home alone, again.

Ughhhh I need to get better at words... and conversations and just human interaction in general.

Maybe I can try asking Sydney to be my date for prom? Oh god no, that would go horrible.

But maybe if I get to know her better... I’ll grow some balls and ask her out. Wait, what is she’s not gay? Why didn’t I think of that! She could totally be straight and I didn’t even consider it!, looks like I’m going to have to put my gaydar to the test. Time to find out if Sydney Novak is a lesbian, so that we can be cute lesbians together. If she’ll have me of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop hope you enjoyed this chapter! Constructive criticism is always open!


	3. Chapter 3

The school day went by slowly, nothing much happened, unless someone puking in the cafeteria counts but at this point who's really shocked that happened.

I get home, throw my bag onto a chair nearby and go to head to my room, my mum stops me with a quick "(y/n)!" I hesitatingly turn around. Every bad thing I've ever done in my entire life flashes before my eyes, oh god, what have I done wrong this time?

"(Y/n) honey could you please go out and get some groceries?" Oh thank god, I mean I'm not thrilled to be getting groceries but it's better than being busted for smoking weed with my best friend and her boyfriend on occasion when I go to her house.

Yeah don't ask.

Anyway I ask my to borrow her car, a nice old Chevrolet Impala 1967 edition, she would literally kill me if I crashed this thing. That's why I barely drive anywhere.

The drive is slow, mainly because I'm trying not to crash and die, but also because I'm longing out the experience to try and finish the album I'm currently listening too. It's a band Stanley recommend to me, the band is called Bloodwitch and I'm currently on the song Fly form their album 'I Am Not Okay With This', why does that title sound so familiar?

Anyway it's honestly a whole vibe if I'm being honest.

I arrive at the store parking my car and getting out.

Is that Stanley? Why is he trying to make awkward conversation with the poor cashier...?

I walk in patting Stanley on the shoulder, he jumps a bit and turns around.

"Hey man what's up? Funny seeing you here." I shuffle on my feet as I talk, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets.

"Oh! Hey (y/n)! How ya been?" He exclaims, bringing me in for an awkward side hug.

"Pretty decent how about-" I'm cut off as a loud clattering noise is heard from one of the isles.

Me and Stanley give each other that 'excuse me what the fuck look' and go to check out what happened.

We both walk over to see none other than Sydney Novak herself standing in the isle. I'm about to have a gay panic attack I swear-

"Oh... Syd..." Stanley stiffly says just staring in shock at the clattered isle, what the hell happened?

Sydney starts rushing out the door, I go to run after her, Stanley's reaction is a little delayed but he eventually catches up to me as I begin to change my jog into a walk.

She's sitting on a bench with her head in her hands, right underneath the 'Brownsville' sign.

Stanley shoves his hands in his pockets and he takes the lead in walking all the way over to her.

"Heyyy..." he casually states as he paces over to her.

We both decide to sit down. Stanley on her left and me on her right.

Stanley sighs as he sits and I just awkwardly look down at my hands.

Theres a few seconds of awkward silence until Stan breaks it, "panic attacks, huh?, my... uh... my mum used to get those, I mean maybe she still does I don't know but... yeah I mean it's- it sucks that you get them too, I'm sorry about that."

I nod along agreeing with a simple, "yeah panic attacks fucking suck man." 

Sydney finally lifts her head to look at us.

"Why are you guys still talking to me?"

"Because, you and Stan here are probably the only people in this godforsaken town keeping me sane." I give her a small small and Stan chuckles slightly.

"Yeah and everyone else in this town is boring anyway." Stanley agrees with me.

Sydney smiles slightly, god I would give anything for her to smile more.

Stanley starts taking out a blunt and offers it to Sydney.

"I've never smoked before." She says sitting up.

"D-do you wanna try?" Stan stutters out. 

Sydney nods, Stan knows already that I've smoked before, he nods along.

"Do you uh, want me or (y/n) to go first?" She laughs lightly. Oh god the angles have blessed my ears on this great day.

Stan lights the blunt for himself taking a hit.  
He then passes it to Sydney, I'm impressed she didn't even even choke.

She then passes it to me and I swear in that moment I almost fainted, am I indirectly kissing Sydney?... and Stanley I guess but that's really not the point.

I take the blunt and put it to my lips, breathing in once, then a second time and then breathing back out, a long line of smoke comes out and I can already feel my body getting heavier, wow I'm a lightweight.

I reach across Sydney passing the blunt back to Stan, then I proceeded to lean my head against the wall, which Sydney and Stan follow.

I turn my head only to make eye contact with Sydney. She smiles at me and I awkwardly smile back.

We sit there passing the blunt between the three of us until there's nothing left to smoke.

-

Stanley suggests to drive us home, halfway through the drive he turns to me and Sydney asking, "hey, do you wanna go to the football game?" Oh god he's baked as fuuuuck, but honestly we all are.

"Absolutely not" Sydney says chuckling.

"Aww come on Syd it'll be fun!" I exclaim throwing my hand over the chair and onto her shoulder.

She sighs smiling and lets out a small, "fine".

-

We're all sitting on a bench admiring the monstrosity that is high school football.

We had stoped at a random fast food restaurant on the way and bought drinks and some snacks, Stanley insisted on paying but before he could I handed in my credit card which earned me a dirty look from Stan.

I'm broken out of my thoughts when Syd asks, "I'm surprised you guys come to this stuff, so lame".

"It's the opposite of lame Syd, it's theatre, it's live theatre, Westinghouse Memorial High School on a Friday night. What could be more tragic?, More Shakespearean?, think about it, the moment the lights come up on Hamlet, you know it's not gonna end well."

I laugh at Stans surprisingly poetic response, I decide to ruin his statement by adding, "plus who doesn't love watching a bunch of disgusting hormonal boys run around in mud and jump on each other, I wouldn't be surprised if someone made a gay porno about high school football." Syd laughs at my response. Yesssss. 

Stan rolls his eyes and continues with what he was saying. I hear the muffled snicker behind his voice though.

"Take, uh... Mr. Bradley Lewis. His best scenario is, what, managing some regional insurance sales company? Where he gets to, I don't know, call the shots on employee of the month? I mean, these are the people that will actually attend the five, ten, 20-year reunion, because, aside from this, nothing else all that noteworthy is gonna happen." He stops and turns to look at both of us,   
"this is as good as it gets for them. And I like watching 'em, like Hamlet, when everything goes to shit in the end... and everyone dies."

Syd grabs Stans glasses and he turns to her, "it's the best theatre in town".

I can't help but be sum-what jealous, they both seem really close and I'm just kinda... the third wheel...

Bradley gets pushed over me and Stan let out a "oooh—" noise as a reaction.

"Ah fuck-" Bradley curses.

Stan starts clapping, I join in cheering for Bradley.

"Yeah, Bradley! Go, Bradley! Whoo!" Syd laughs at our childishness. 

Stanley drops me home then it's just him and Syd. And one again, I can't help but be a little bit jealous.

I flop down onto my bed pulling the covers onto me as I sit and stare at ceiling until I eventually drift to sleep.

~

Heyyy, so sorry for not updating sooner, tried to make this chapter a little longer to try and make up for that aha.

**Author's Note:**

> Whoop, hope you enjoyed please do give me any constructive criticism! I’m always looking to improve!


End file.
